Monday, June 16, 2008

Janitor Interview Part 2 (See 6/6 post for part 1)

HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR (HRD): Tell me about yourself.

APPLICANT (APP): I have been involved with janitorial and maintenance work for the past 21 years. Prior to that, I was a volunteer janitor for a large company and I worked for them in some very messy conditions in a foreign country.

HRD: And what do you think you can contribute to the cleanliness of our office environment?

APP: The depth of my experience in the field of building maintenance gives me a vast array of skills and knowledge which will enhance the office environment immensely. My friend, it’s obvious that the previous janitor was unable to accomplish complete cleanliness for this office, although it appears that his efforts were somewhat hindered by a lack of cooperation within the office and by personal friction caused by malicious gossip.

HRD: And exactly what would you do to improve the conditions such as the dusty desktops, the overflowing trash bins, and the streaks on the windows?

APP: I can see that you have intelligent people working here, so given the proper tools, (dust rags and a can of Pledge) it is not unreasonable to expect them to be able to dust their own desks. Trash bins will need to be emptied regularly by my staff and the trash hauled away in an expeditious manner. And I do windows, which should eliminate the streaks.

HRD: Some of your colleagues in the janitorial field have indicated that you are somewhat of a Maverick. How would you respond to that?

APP: Well, for one thing, the proper definition of the word “Maverick” is an unbranded steer. While I may have been branded by some of my colleagues, with all due respect, I am most certainly not a steer – I still have a pair.

HRD: Thank you. We’ll be in touch.

From the Front Line

I have been moved to the 3 PM to 11 PM shift at HV and the after dark customer base sometimes defies description. But there is one young man who regularly stops in around 10:30 PM when he gets off his shift at the neighboring steak house. Yes, I’m stereotyping here, but he is an exact replica of Keanu Reeves in the movie “Parenthood” or “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.” And he’s usually tired by the time he gets to me, so I like to think that in broad daylight when he’s wide awake, he would be a little more coherent.

Anyway, the other night he got in my line and watched as I was checking out the groceries of the lady in front of him. I scanned a small package of soft goat cheese – the kind that comes in a little square cellophane bundle - and my tired friend said, “Whoa. What IS that?”

“It’s gorgonzola,” the lady answered. “Goat cheese.”

“Dude,” he said. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.” And then he yawned.

She and I chuckled a little. As I was handing her the receipt, I offered her my usual, “Thank you. Have a good night.”

The young man finished his yawn and added, “Yeah. Have a good night.” Then with a big sigh he said, “I’m sorry I looked at your cheese.”


Jim said...

Hi Janell, you are making a lot of nice 'friends' on your job over there.
Be careful driving home in the dark, always make sure your flashlight is with you and with good batteries. And that your cell phone is charged up.

I am guessing on the two job applicants. The first one did not get the job due to lack of experience. Neither did the second one as he was over qualified. You should have interviewed at least six for that one job.
Bonus comment: After you put the fresh batteries in your flashlight, turn the one closest to the unscrewing end (usually the bulb end) in backwards.
This way your batteries will never get accidently run down if the switch gets bumped into the ON position without your knowledge.

This is a 'send to Heloise' solution to a common problem of dead flashight batteries, I'm about to send it to her. It only works with a two battery cell flashlight.

Jim said...

And no, not yet on the big ear. I am really afraid a little ear or two will come first.

Mary Connealy said...

Janell you have a definite gift for finding the humor in the everyday.

Also, now I'm sort of hungry for gorgonzola, which is so unlikely as I've never had it before.

Jamie Dawn said...

I love the line "he's still got a pair."


I guess goat cheese does not appeal to that guy.
It's after 1 a.m., so my brain is not working at its best.
I love the movie, Parenthood, by the way. It's one of my favorites. Come to think of it, I like Bill & Ted's Ex. Adventure a lot too, also, in addition.

Paul Nichols said...

Parenthood, huh? I'll look it up. Maybe watch it.

I sure do enjoy your blog. Most people come home from work BSing about that or this and if it's in the right order or not. You? You come home and entertain us.

As Jamie Dawn would say, "Additionally, you regale us with your stories also, as well, too."

Joe B said...

--Agree the first one didn't get the job due to lack of experience.
--Disagree that the second one didn't get it due to "over qualification". I would say he would not get it becuause he is pissing off his Janitor Union Conservative base (in my humble opinion). Pluse he's probably too damn old to be a janitor, hopefully he chooses a great assistant (perhaps a lot more conservative) Janitor.
--Interested to read about the Janitor who was in the first round of interviews but got eliminated before the interview with the big boss (cough cough.. the people).
--Agree with the flashlight, if you forget it or the batteries do happen to die. A firearm would be a great substitute (Is nebraska Conceal and Carry?)...

Cliff said...

Your problem is expecting us to keep our own desks clean. We would like a janitor who believes that we need to be taken care of and one who will take care of us. What if we all spill Diet Pepsi on our desks all at the same time? Will he get help to us fast? Surely we won't need to get up and go get some paper towels on our own will we? If this janitor believes in personal responsability then we don't want him. Can he drive a school bus in deep water?

Janell said...

Hey Jim; I think you're right - we might need some more choices to fill this position. How about you?
Yes, I'm careful coming home in the dark. I have a good flashlight and park under a big streetlamp. Hadn't heard about the battery trickm tho. Thanks.

Mary; go ahead and try some goat cheese. It would be a good experience for you and your former dairy farming hubby!

JamieDawn; yes I liked both movies, too. Lots of interesting characters in both of them.

Paul; Definitely see Parenthood. It's an old one, but pretty good. One of Steve Martin's best, if you ask me - and I know you didn't. But there you have my opinion whether or not you wanted it or not, anyway, and so on, etc....

Cliff; you've been living too long in a nanny state! If you need a school bus, the Music Nazi has her CDL - maybe you can catch a ride with her!

Joe; yes, Nebraska allows concealed weapons permit, unless prohibited by a posted sign. As in the Westroads, if you recall. I guess the shooter didn't see the sign.

Scarlet said...

The guy commenting on the goat cheese sounds hilarious! I could just picture him. I'm sure you get a lot of interesting characters and a lot of laughs working that shift.

Shirley said...

Dear Applicant #2

Thank you for taking the time and expense to apply for the position. Your resume' is impressive, and your service is without question, highly commendable.

However I must inform you, we have chosen another candidate to fill the position. You see right now the mission and vision of the company has got take new directions. You can see for yourself the current status quo of using resources and lives as if there is no limit, has become too costly. Our company image has faltered worldwide, and the mess we have to clean up is going to take fresh ideas and innovative actions to put us on a new track.

We are hopeful the new janitor can bring a social spirit of comraderie, so when we need to pull together to clean up massive spills, we can do so with a one-for-all-all-for-one attitude. The associates you supply for references don't seem to suscribe to this attitude.

It may be a lot to expect of the new janitor, but as he leads us to start reinventing our company, personal responsiblity will prevail along with personal achievments. And it won't be on the backs of eachother but alongside eachother.

We would hope to enlist your cooperation in your current position to help move the company in the right, no I mean correct,

Again, thank you for applying.

Sincerely and respectfully,

A Hopeful American

nora said...

Everyone else said it better than I could.
But, I'm getting the feeling that Cliff is standing over my messy desk that has a diet Pepsi can just waiting be be knocked over sitting next to the pencil jar.