Monday, February 23, 2009

Here is an imagined conversation:

Me: Dear God, I’m trading in my Armor of God for the "Suit of Secularism." The Armor of God is too much for me. I can’t do it. So, instead of girding my loins with the Belt of Truth, I’m swapping for the "Thong of Lies." You recognize the Thong of Lies, don’t you? That’s the one that says, “Go ahead and satisfy your lusts. It doesn’t matter. No one will ever know. You can get away with it.”

God: You will know.
And I will know.

Me: And, instead of the Breastplate of Righteousness, I’m going to start wearing the “T-Shirt of Instant Gratification.” This T-shirt will help me to remain guilt-free while I am pursuing the fulfillment of all my earthly desires.

God: This is not really a very good idea. But you are always free to choose. I guaranteed that from the very Beginning.

Me: While I am at it, I am going to exchange my Shoes of the Gospel of Peace for the “Slippers of Contention.” Now, I can complain, gossip and criticize to my heart’s content.

God: That won’t make your heart content.

Me: I’ve had enough of trying to carry around this Shield of Faith. It’s heavy and cumbersome and a lot of people look at me like I’m crazy when they see me carrying it. So I’m going to put it down and take up this "Suitcase of Doubt." Everyone recognizes it and I don’t have to try and explain difficult questions.

God: Wow, if you thought the Shield of Faith was heavy, I can’t wait to see what happens when you pick up that "Suitcase of Doubt!"

Me: Uff Dah! That is a heavy son of a so-and-so! I think I’ll just put it down and leave it here while I finish getting dressed. I need to find my hat. Here it is – I’m taking off the Helmet of Salvation and from now on, I’ll wear the “Beanie of Good Works.” Wait a minute, it doesn’t fit very well, does it?

God: You will never be able to find one big enough to cover all of your transgressions. That’s why I sent my Son to the Cross. Trust me on this one.

Me: You know what else? I’m getting rid of this Sword of the Spirit. It hurts people’s feelings and it would be much easier and I could be a lot more popular if I went around with the “Weapon of Mass Reconstruction.” The one that rewrites history, so that the thoughts and ideas of the people from the past get in line with our modern, progressive views on personal choice and the ‘fine line’ between good and evil.

God: Well… good luck with that. But it seems to me that it shows a tremendous amount of disrespect towards the people who designed and financed the monuments that represent those historical, “old fashioned” notions.

Me: Okay, well, it looks like I’m all dressed and ready to go. You know, this "Thong of Lies" is pretty uncomfortable… it’s riding up on me and, well, that’s all you need to know about that. And this "T-Shirt of Instant Gratification" is covered with stains and has gotten holes in it already. It’s way too small. And look how threadbare it is. I don’t think it’s going last much longer. These "Slippers of Contention" fit me pretty well, but they are kind of ugly, aren’t they? This "Suitcase of Doubt" is really heavy. So is the "Weapon of Mass Reconstruction." I don’t think I can carry both of them. I’ll have to leave one of them here and come back for it when I get where I’m going.

God: So… where are you going, all dressed up like that?

Me: That’s a good question…. This particular outfit came without a map.

Based on Ephesians 6:11-17


Jim said...

That's good, Janell! I have some maps you could borrow or Google Maps can help.
I shouldn't have said that, I know what you mean. You want a map for living and being with God.
BTW, I am a Republican. This year on paper I'm Democrat because I voted for Hillary. I thought maybe McCain could beat her. ;-)
(And I didn't get that stimulous check, but you knew that.)

Marla said...

That was great Janell. Good writing!

cdroses said...

Very well said!
God does speak...these same verses were used at Dare2Share this past weekend, to teach middle school and high school kids about sharing their faith.

I like how you concluded the secular version...technically "all dressed up and no place to go."

Sue said...

Good lessons.

Paul Nichols said...


Joe B said...

Love it Jonelle.
Where do you get these from?

Scarlet said...

Wow, this goes in tune with where I am spiritually, but where I'm headed...that's a different story!

Cool post, Janell. It hits home more than you know.

Janell said...

Thanks, Jim!
After giving it more thought, a better closing phrase would be; "This outfit didn't come with a battle plan..."
I knew you didn't get your check yet, butwhattheheck?

Thanks, Marla, Cindy, Sue and Paul!

Joe; Believe or not, this stuff comes out of my very own head. If I find myself puzzled over a Bible passage, it helps me to understand it if I try and rewrite it in my own words... put it into a poem or personal essay or sometimes, even a diagram (very few of my "rewrites" are worth sharing).
But I do love your posts. You are speaking for me.

Scarlet; God bless you. For some reason, you were on my mind as I was writing this.

Rachel said...

Good stuff Janell! You have the knack for writing these things so they are quite understandable!

Cliff said...

Well, if you were going to do this you should have done it when you were younger. It wouldn't have been work like it is now.
Very well done J. Thanks

Ralph said...

Well done and well said.

Jamie Dawn said...

This is a superb post! Funny and sharply truthful.

I'm so glad you didn't say that your Thong of Lies was stained and spotted like that t-shirt.