Saturday, April 11, 2009

This is Adventures in Laughter. Paul tagged me for this meme. If your name is at the bottom, consider yourself tagged and, on your blog, post six funny things about other people.

1. Here’s one about a cat. We had a grey cat named Christmas, who would come into our back porch every so often. Our back porch, if you walked straight in, opened into our kitchen. If you turned left, you went down our basement stairs. Since that’s where we all shed our shoes on our way into the house, Christmas usually found plenty of shoestrings to bat at, when he was a kitten. One day, when he was a grown cat, he came in and was reliving his childhood by enthusiastically batting at the shoestrings on one of my husband’s big work boots. He looked up and saw me watching him and he decided to take one of the strings in his mouth and take leave of his audience. Of course, the boot followed the string and startled him, so he started to run, but didn’t let go of the string in his mouth. He headed down the basement steps with the boot bouncing after him, so he sped up, but in his wild eyed panic, he hung on tight to the boot string, so the boot “chased” him down the stairs, kicking him in the butt all the way. When they reached the bottom step, he hissed and spat at it, which finally made him let go of the string. He gave it one more good, open clawed swat, just to make sure it stayed “dead” and strolled away, trying to keep his dignity intact.

2. Most of you know I work a check out line at a grocery store. I’ve posted this before, so feel free to skip it if you’ve already read this one. One day, a couple of Rednecks came through my line. They were classics: they wore camouflage zip front hoodies, overalls, baseball caps, and Tingly buckle front boots. They bought two big T-bones, two baking potatoes, a container of sour cream and a case of beer. They split the bill right down the middle. When the second man handed me his money, I counted it and came up 4 cents short. “I need four more cents. Do you have four pennies?” I asked him.
The first man answered for him, “Hell, yes, he’s got 4 cents. He’s always loaded with pennies.”
The second man said, “Yeah, but YOU don’t ever have no sense.”

3. I overheard a conversation between two young women and one was telling the other a story about something that had scared her. As the story progressed, she became more animated and talked faster and faster as she related the story of her frightful experience. She finished by saying, “I got so scared, it made me kneak in the wees!”

4. This one may or may not be true, but I still get a chuckle out of it. Legend has it that, during a formal dinner, Winston Churchill turned to Lady Astor and said, “Madam, you are quite ugly.”
Lady Astor replied, “You, sir, are drunk!”
“Yes,” he conceded. “But in the morning, I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly.”

5. On his first day at work, the young man who was bagging groceries at my check-out station was very politely (just as he had been trained to do) asking each customer, “Would you like me to bag your milk?” and “Would you like some help out to your car with your groceries?” During the final hour of his shift, the repetition of it got the better of him and his mouth went into autopilot. He asked the next lady, “Would you like me to milk your bag?” He shook his head, trying to recover and said, “Would you like some car with your groceries?”

6. Marj, and old friend of mine told me this: One day, she walked to her local post office with a handful of letters to purchase stamps for. When she got there, she got lost in a conversation with someone in the lobby. When the other person left, Marj went stepped up to the window to buy stamps, but found only the letters in her hand and not her purse. She walked all the way back home – only to find her purse tucked under her arm. Her son-in-law was in the room with us when she related the incident to me and he said, “Geez, I wouldn’t even be telling anyone that story!”

And extra one at no extra charge.

This is about me – this is a meme after all. A while back, my pickup was in the shop and I had to use my husband’s car to get around. I made several stops in town and the last one was at the grocery store. It took an extra long time, because I ran into an old friend and ended up chatting for about half the time I was in there. I finally reached the check out line and reloaded my cart and headed out into the parking lot, trying to remember where I had parked my pickup. I wandered the lot for about ten minutes and was about to go back inside and ask someone to call the police to report a stolen pickup when I spotted my husband’s car. I thought, “There’s Randy’s car! What in the heck is he doing here!?”

Okay; Myrna, Sue, Shirley/Bob, Shelby, Joe, and Marla - you're up!


Paul Nichols said...

Great stories. I've heard the one about Winston Churchill before. But no matter how many times I've heard it, it's always funny.

Re your extra one: My First Wife has gone to the mall and gone through the car/pickup mixup, too. We still chuckle about it.

Good post. Thanks.

Jamie Dawn said...

I hate to tell you this, but that last one you told us at no extra charge shows disturbing signs of very old age.


Those are all goodies! I loved picturing Christmas getting his bohunkus booted all the way down those stairs, How funny!

Happy Easter to you and your family!!!!!

Scarlet said...

Ha! I love that last one! "What in the heck is he doing here?!" lol (Not to THIS extent, but I can relate...I can never remember where I park my truck!)

The story about Christmas the Cat is hilarious, too! I can just picture that boot chasing him down those stairs! That would've made a great video!!

Happy Sunday and Happy Easter, Janell!! :)

Jim said...

Hey Janell, I think I've done half of those 'bloopers.'
I remember best when I finally got courage to ask a certain young lady to go with me to a Rice/University of Houston football game. We couldn't find where we parked the car and had to wait until most of the cars were gone to spot it.

I tell people I will be glad when men generally carry purses. I have so much junk in my pockets. But sure enough, I would lose my purse. :-)

I enjoyed your meme, I checked the bottom first to make sure my name wasn't there. Mrs. Jim is my censor, she would have to approve anything concerning her.

Sue said...

This will take some thinking, but be careful what you ask for, Janell. :o)

LaDawn said...

I laughed at each and every one of these! Wish I could remember funny stories.

Cliff said...

Yep it happened to me. I woke up sober AND ugly.

Actually I woke up grumpy this morning. I should have let her sleep.

Good stories J. Thanks.

Marla said...

Very funny stories. Now i've been tagged! I hope I can think of something to post about.