Feeling a little sarcastic today. I’m afraid the job may be getting to me.

Here are some things that will make a cashier (me) want to whack you over the head with the order separator stick:

Not using the order separator stick and barking out, “That’s not mine!” when I start scanning the next person’s things.

Handing me your reusable bags after I’ve already filled six plastic bags with your groceries.

Heaving a big sigh and tapping your foot when the sweet little old lady in front of you takes longer than usual to write out a check. Have a little patience, for crying out loud. If you’re in too big of a hurry to be polite, don’t stop at the store!

Talking on a cell phone. Hello? I’m right in front of you. Please acknowledge my existence.

Talking to me in that same b#t*hy tone of voice you are using on your small children.

Taking longer to dig through your pockets or purse for a penny than it would take for me to take $.99 out of the cash drawer.

Having both hands busy unloading groceries and holding your coupons, check, debit card, or cash in your mouth right before you hand it to me.

Sneezing or coughing on any of the above mentioned forms of tender.

Handing me money that has been wadded up in your sweaty pocket.

Paying a $22.99 bill in quarters – on the Express Lane. (The Express Lane doesn’t even have an order separator stick, but I’ll borrow one for the occasion.)

Taking it out on me when you try to exceed the limit on sale items. What part of “Limit 4” don’t you understand?

Asking me, “Where’s the ATM machine?” when I’m standing by the bright blue neon sign that says “ATM.”

The following are things I would like to reply when you say:
“That item is cheaper at Wal-Mart.” Wal-Mart is 20 blocks east - do you need a ride?

“The small print in your ad is too small.” Do I look like I have the power to change the size of the print in our ad?

“I’m looking for a magazine that had a picture of a quilt or something on the cover. Do you have one of those?” Seriously?

Ah, well, people are funny sometimes.