Janitor Interview Part 2 (See 6/6 post for part 1)

HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR (HRD): Tell me about yourself.

APPLICANT (APP): I have been involved with janitorial and maintenance work for the past 21 years. Prior to that, I was a volunteer janitor for a large company and I worked for them in some very messy conditions in a foreign country.

HRD: And what do you think you can contribute to the cleanliness of our office environment?

APP: The depth of my experience in the field of building maintenance gives me a vast array of skills and knowledge which will enhance the office environment immensely. My friend, it’s obvious that the previous janitor was unable to accomplish complete cleanliness for this office, although it appears that his efforts were somewhat hindered by a lack of cooperation within the office and by personal friction caused by malicious gossip.

HRD: And exactly what would you do to improve the conditions such as the dusty desktops, the overflowing trash bins, and the streaks on the windows?

APP: I can see that you have intelligent people working here, so given the proper tools, (dust rags and a can of Pledge) it is not unreasonable to expect them to be able to dust their own desks. Trash bins will need to be emptied regularly by my staff and the trash hauled away in an expeditious manner. And I do windows, which should eliminate the streaks.

HRD: Some of your colleagues in the janitorial field have indicated that you are somewhat of a Maverick. How would you respond to that?

APP: Well, for one thing, the proper definition of the word “Maverick” is an unbranded steer. While I may have been branded by some of my colleagues, with all due respect, I am most certainly not a steer – I still have a pair.

HRD: Thank you. We’ll be in touch.

From the Front Line

I have been moved to the 3 PM to 11 PM shift at HV and the after dark customer base sometimes defies description. But there is one young man who regularly stops in around 10:30 PM when he gets off his shift at the neighboring steak house. Yes, I’m stereotyping here, but he is an exact replica of Keanu Reeves in the movie “Parenthood” or “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.” And he’s usually tired by the time he gets to me, so I like to think that in broad daylight when he’s wide awake, he would be a little more coherent.

Anyway, the other night he got in my line and watched as I was checking out the groceries of the lady in front of him. I scanned a small package of soft goat cheese – the kind that comes in a little square cellophane bundle - and my tired friend said, “Whoa. What IS that?”

“It’s gorgonzola,” the lady answered. “Goat cheese.”

“Dude,” he said. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.” And then he yawned.

She and I chuckled a little. As I was handing her the receipt, I offered her my usual, “Thank you. Have a good night.”

The young man finished his yawn and added, “Yeah. Have a good night.” Then with a big sigh he said, “I’m sorry I looked at your cheese.”